Aanyways. On with the show!
#3: Megatron
The Character: Megatron is very powerful and utterly ruthless. There have been several interpretations of his character; some see Megatron as a strategic leader who calls the shots from afar, whilst others see him as a tactical battlefield commander who leads by brutal example. Unlike many other villains in popular fiction, Megatron was not generally depicted as overly chaotic or insane. He was highly aggressive and a megalomaniac, but there was usually a consistent rationale behind his actions, aided by the fact that's he's a huge damn robot. He is the primary antagonist and leader of the "evil" faction the Decepticons, a large gathering of the most cruel and vile giant robots around, making life hard for the good guys to no end.
Superpowers and the like: Megatron originally had a giant fusion blaster on his right arm, as shown on the picture above, capable of levelling entire city blocks at a time. To further cement his badassery in history, he can transform into a GUN. That's awesome, right there. If that wasn't enough, even though he downsizes, he is still a GIANT GUN, allowing his underlings to bring this vicious weapon on the good guys, putting all his powers into destroying the enemies. Had enough? No, of course you haven't. Megatron is so badass he can link his arm cannon to a nearby -black hole- shooting the antimatter and further destroying the universe. To top it off, Megatron has no known weaknesses, and is both very strong, being a giant robot, and later on adds a laserlike whip to his arsenal. Nothing can go wrong, right?
Why he fails: Megatron has serious management issues. His right hand man (robot?) is called Starscream, a giant super-robot like Megatron able to turn into a jetplane, also a violently awesome character. From the first appearance of Starscream to his very last, he consistently defies his big boss. Claims such as "The Autobots would have lost eons ago if I'd been calling the shots. and "My time will come, Megatron." are quite normal for the character.
Right. Now, I'm all for having a proper cadre of villainous badasses at your side, Megatron, but your right hand man is actively trying to one-up and usurp you. At least reprimand him! But no, instead, when Megatron transforms into a gun, he lets STARSCREAM use him, a clear show of a decline of his previous genius level tactical mind. It doesn't get better by the fact that his underling proceeds to miss every shot, although my assistant claims that is to expect from a henchman. Now, he regularly punishes his Decepticons for failure, but never even glances towards Starscream, even when he openly betrays him in one episode. Something is wrong with you, Megatron, are you just plain stupid? So what happens? Megatron manages to fail in every instance due to his absentminded trust in his openly unwilling henchman, and gets stuck in a loop to fight status quo. Good on you, Megatron!
#2: SPECTRE
The Character: SPECTRE is not -a- character per se, not even a single villain, but rather a gathering of the most excellent and well trained spies and villains that live in the bond-verse. The creepy man on the left is Blofeld, leader of the entire terror organisation, and super-evil evil genius. With an iron fist of terror and middle-management like no other, he continously spreads fear and steals nuclear weaponry from the rest of the world, prompting the world to beg for the worlds' best superspy to take them on, and even he has a problem, fighting them over several long, intricate movies.Superpowers and the like: While they may all be fairly normal humans and villains, they are backed by a seemingly endless supply of money, an even more endless stream of supposedly free workforce, and rad differently coloured jumpsuits for their soldiers. They have a random assortment of gadgets, and can be seen with both superweapons that would make Dr Doom blush, and spaceships at that.
Why they fail: SPECTRE's biggest flaw is their entire structure. The upper echelons of the organisation is entirely comprised of evil super-geniuses, each with their own plot to conquer/destroy/ransom the world. As comes with the egghead arrogance, none of these guys seem to be able to work together. Sure, they sit at a large table ever so often, complaining to one another about how the police forces of the world are trying to stop them still. A big issue around their table continues to be Bond. Between them, they've built spaceships constructed to EAT other spaceships, giant nukes capable of wiping a nation out in one big bang, and various super experiments, including brief ties to sly traps, and a huge henchman with metal teeth (awesome right?).
You would think they could merely attack MI6 in Britain and kill Bond with a well-placed nuke. Subterfuge, you say? Don't wanna pull attention to them? Wrong buddy, think again! The name SPECTRE actually means SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Seriously? I can't even begin to touch at this. What the hell? Revenge? Ah well. SPECTRE comes up with such complicated plots, and the most costly evil lairs ever, hinting at they do have a legal front, and one of these front companies are even shown and fought within in one of the movies. If they just went legal, they would all be super-billionaires, and noone would have any gripe with them. To top it off, most of their villains have no real reason to do what they do. Some of them want to start world wars, a few merely wear claws on their hands and fall into acid for no real reason. In short, SPECTRE couldn't open a door to save eachother, and thus slowly fall into certain doom while the presences at the bigshot table vanish into nothingness. Fail, SPECTRE, fail.
#3: Sauron
The Character: Sauron is the main antagonist of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, a fierce wizard controlling the forces of evil through henchmen and other smart villains. He once held the world of Middle-earth in total control, forcing the forces of good into a last stand of sorts, heavily outnumbered and discouraged beyond belief. He is a constant source of fear and spite in the forces of good, and they are all in terror of a possible new reign in the dystopia that is Middle-earth today. All he needs to do is retake the ring.Superpowers and the like: Oh man, Sauron is the essence of badass. Not only is he a wizard, but he's also clad in fully covering black spiky armour, and carries a gigantic mace that smashes through the tiny ranks of good like a battering ram against styrofoam. He also carried the one ring, controlling all of the other rings of power scattered throughout the lands, corrupting the hearts of men. As if that wasn't enough, Sauron controls the largest mass of armies in the world, orcs, goblins, evil men, giant elephants, and various evil beasts.
Why he fails: We can completely discount the entire trilogy here. Sauron's one and only major failure that dooms him to the top of this list of failures is the fact that he melees his opponents. And no, I don't mean the fact that he carries a big goddamn mace. In the last stand of the forces of good, Sauron smashes prince Isildur, heir to the throne of the kingdom of man, into a massive rock. Instead of swinging at him again with the massive mace, finishing the forces of good once and for all and cementing his super evil kingdom of excessively bad dental care, he reaches for the damn guy with his hand. THE HAND CARRYING HIS RING WITH SUPER POWERS.
I cannot stress this enough. This misstep doomed Sauron into becoming a lightbulb at the top of his domain, staring powerlessly as a small hairyfooted snotnose dooms his entire kingdom by carrying his ring in front of his ethereal nostrils. Sauron failed out of his own arrogant incompetence.
That's all, folks! I shall return to the inside of my cavernous lair, and wish you a safe journey through the lava pits. Fare thee well, feel free to leave points on villains you think fail ever more, or anything else. Here, or on the forum/blog where it'll be inevitably posted.
